Me and Miles on top of Whistler 

Head Spinning Surealism

Miracles happen. And they sometimes happen quickly. Sitting in the parking lot of a Walgreen's picking up a prescription for your new son, when only 2 hours prior you had no son, is a very out of body experience. Looking down at his sweet face, you feel almost yourself swirling outside of your self. Unbelievable!

My nerves have not died down at all. I'm sure they wont until we hear from the agency. I now know the meaning of "my heart was in in my stomach." I have been nervous before, had anxiety and felt anticpation before. This because it is right now and all those other times seem long gone, is killing me. Patience has never been one of my stronger points. As Mark always reminds me, patience is a virtue catch it if you can, seldom in a woman never in a man. He should really stop saying that to me. He has been smart enough to not say it at all in the past few days.

Nervousness is not descriptive enough to explain how I feel right now. We are waiting to hear from the agency in Utah to see which family the Birth Mother chose. Of course my fingers are crossed. I want to be excited, but I feel too sick to my stomach to feel excited. Its more of a "I'm going to throw up " kind of feeling. I just want to know either way, yes or no. I want the best for this Birth Mother and the best for her child. Yet in my heart I want her to choose us. The situation sounds so much like Sofi's. A Birth Mother that has kids already. Wants to provide for them the best she can and wants the best for this child as well. She sounds very caring and wise. It's so frustrating. Waiting to hear if a woman you have never met before will choose you to raise the child she is carrying and will give birth to. Waiting to see if from pictures and her gut reaction she can make this life altering decision. I don't know if I could. How hard for her, how strange for us. I feel like I want to go throw up. I can't type anymore, my hands are shaking.

Anticipation

Today we called the Birth Mother coodinator at the Adoption Agency in Utah. We had talked on Monday of this week and she wanted us to touch bases after we met with the Social Worker and let her know where we were at with home study. She said that she was going to be showing portfolios to two pregnant birth mothers who were going placing their children. She said that the Agency in SF had called and talked to their social worker, but she was unsure if she would be able to show our portfolio because technically they still didn't have home study.

A while after this Stacey got a call from the Birth Mother coodinator who said that she had gotten approval to show our porfolio! We were excited. I would like to have a boy, but we have always said we would take a health girl. The Birth Mother coodinator told us about one of the Birth Mother's who was pregnant with a boy. Now we wait on pins and needles to find out whether she chose us or not. It is really a miracle that things have moved this fast........ But anything can happen, we went on this roller coaster before.

Last Step

We had our last visit with the Social Worker on today. She spent about 45 minutes with me and then about 20 minutes with Stacey and I together. The fact that we already have adopted made the process much smoother. We did our criminal background clearance on 10/27/03 and she called the Agency in SF that is doing our Home Study to see if they had recieved the paper work yet, they had. So we only have our letters of reccomendation to have people finish up and then we are done all the reams of paper work, all the interviews and clearances. Just up to the Social Worker to type it all up, and then apparently the only thing that the Agency in SF has to do is print it on letterhead.

Progress is a Lawyer

We were frustrated with the Agency who was performing our Home Study. Though there was nothing overt, I kept feeling like there were dragging their feet on our Home Study because we were only going to be doing the Home Study through them. I had several individuals mention several times that if we were working with a Agency in Utah who was placing the baby that they (Agency in San Francisco) would be required to preform more services. It felt a little bit like it was a money thing vs. a turf thing. One of the directors of the Agency in SF had called the Birth Mother coodinator at the Utah Agency and had told her that they were not going to be expediting our homestudy and they wouldnt be done for two weeks to a month. I felt like I was getting now where with them, so I had Stacey call our lawyer who has a relationship with them and talk to them. Thankfully tonight the lawyer called and left a messsage saying she had spoken to the Agency in SF and that they would be expediting our home study and they would be calling the Agency in Utah. Yeah! Finally progress.